TWO BISHOPS BATTLE AT BRIMFIELD!
GENERAL RETREAT OF
EDWARD OATHBREAKER'S FORCES.
SPODES BLACKSHORTS: "THOROUGHLY DEBAGGED"
STOKKIES JOUBERT - "HEADING SOUTH -
ALONG WITH HIS HOPES"
ANGLICAN EXPERIMENTAL WONDER WEAPONS
- POSSIBLY NOT YET SO WONDERFUL.
THE SHROPSHIRE SWAIN BLOODED!
The bar of "The Feathers" was hot, loud and raucous with victory, crowded with the exultant regulars. A huge cheer went up as the Bishop entered, crozier raised in acknowledgment, and the multitude rushed to shake his hand.
"Well done, Bishop! Well done!"
"'Ere, Arthur, a dry sherry for the Bishop! And a pint of best for the Swain!"
The Bishop looked fondly on his former ward, then sought to calm the party.
"Now, now, gentlemen. It was the Bishops' Battle, as you know well. The honours must be shared with my brother Lichfield...
"Lichfield!" "Ludlow!"
"...not to mention Sir Gilbert's detachment, and Commissioner Gordon's hard fighting motorcycle troops..."
"Gordon!" "Sir Gilbert!"
An overexcited subaltern waved some torn black shorts in the air.
"Spode! Debagged!"
The crowded bar convulsed in laughter, loud and long, only shortening to a respectful murmur as the Bishop raised his crozier.
The Bishop leaned forward, almost whispering. "Now, gentlemen, this is how it was.."
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| Advanced scouts provided early morning photo reconnaissance for the Bishop's "A49 Thrust". Nothing was to be left to chance. |
"A sharp thrust along the A49 towards Leominster! Strategic surprise! An open road, the morning gloom lifting, and Spode and Stokkies Joubert panicked and rushing forward!"
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| "Royalist" staff officers surprised by the first reports of the Bishops' advance. |
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| and sending all available "Government" forces forward in a hasty onrush. |
"Now - my brother Lichfield on the left, Gordon's motorcycles dashing towards Brimfield crossroads like dragoons of old, and your Swain tanked up and flanking on the right, all thoughts of Miss Nemone banished for the duration of the battle ahead!"
"Only for the duration of the battle, mind" protested the Swain, to hoots of laughter, much blushing and good natured back slapping. The Swain's love for Miss Nemone Mortimer-Wagstaffe was already legendary in Ludlow.
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| Commissioner Gordon is already at the crossroads blockhouse, centre left; Sir Gilbert's detachment are just about to pile into the half timbered Crossroads Hotel, centre right. Advancing cross country, the full panapoly of the Bishop of Lichfield's forces... |
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| while the Bishop prepares a firing line, on the right the Swain leads an armoured flanking attack! |
"But an early setback! The Steve-Austin Somua stalled - under fire from Royalist Artillery!"(1).
The crowded bar groaned.
Engineer Scott heaved his shoulders and nodded sadly.
"Aye, I've said it before, Bishop. The engines couln'ae take it!"
The bar groaned again.
"But now, what's this?" The Bishop's crozier shot forward decisively across the imaginary battlefield. The can-do and dash of our Chicago motorcycle squad - racing straight to the crossroads blockhouse! Sir Gilbert's men rushing into the Crossroads Hotel! And Lichfield advancing and firing on our left!"
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| Spode's "Great Gamble" - a demonstrated by the huge playing cards that mysteriously littered the battlefield. Perhaps Fascist "Modern Installation Art". Blackshorts cross the road - heedless of the enfilade fire from Commissioner Gordon's blockhouse. Note the crossroads Church. |
"It was hard fighting, gentlemen. Hard fighting. Spode advancing. Joubert's men infesting the crossroads Church...."
A collective intake of breath, hissing and sharp. Sacrilege from the renegade Colonial!
"...and - albeit with no casualties, thank the Lord - the destruction of one of our new experimental weapons, a particle disintegrator from the Bluecoat School Physics Department!"(2)
Doc Van der Graaf, Head of Department, sunk his head low in misery. At times like these, he somehow wished Lord Reith's mysterious scientific adviser had not been so very helpful.....(3)
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| Scratch one particle disintegrator! There was a gleeful - some might say almost unseemly - rush from the "Government" side to place the "Boom!" marker and gloat. |
"But right will prevail!" The Bishop was in full flood now, his sermons never quite as enthralling as this. "Right will prevail!"
Prolong cheers of approval.
"A firefight - and Spode's detachment decimated from front and flank! The kerr-unch of Lichfield's artillery tearing holes in Blackshort ranks! Joubert's men wasting away in the centre! And on our right, why, forces blostered, a renewed flank march from our brave Swain!"
The noise was now deafening.
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| The Swain leads a flank march by 3rd Section, LEF. Having side-slipped troops to the embattled Spode all day, there is little that Joubert has to stop them. One of Joubert's armoured cars "brews up" at the crossroads. There was, of course, no unseemly rush by the Bishop to place the "Boom!" marker atop that one. |
"Then one final surprise! The roar of motorcycle engines as Gordon rides forward, all death or glory, piercing the very centre of the Oathbreaker's forces, waving encouragement and shouting all the while: "C'mon..."
".....you sons of bitches!" The crowded bar chanted in loyal response, trained by Sunday service, with such a powerful bellow as to to cover the Bishop's embarrassment.
"Do you want to live forever?"
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| Commissioner Gordon's ride, past the remaining "Government" armoured car, past the leavings of Stokkies infantry, directly threatening the second line artillery. Does he want to live forever? Spode is already in retreat before the Bishop of Lichfield (top of picture). It is all too much for the renegade "Colonial" - time to skedaddle!. |
"Hurrah!" "Three cheers!"
An onrushing crowd to the bar, and the elderly Arthur as unprepared for such a sudden assault as Stokkies Joubert for Gordon.
"Apart from the Bishop himself, of course - well, trebles all round!"
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| The victorious Bishops at Brimfield. The Lichfield Standard Bearer in the background. |
OTHER IMPORTANT WAR NEWS INSIDE -
ARROWSMITH SPOTTED
“MESSING ABOUT ON BOATS”
AT WITNEY ON WYE.
ANGLICAN C-in-C’s “CHERRYBERRYS” TRIUMPH AT ACONBURY.
FOR THE HONOUR OF A LADY - REV DUFF-POSTIN’S “URGENT
DIPLOMATIC MISSION TO SOCIALIST HQ”.
AND MANY MORE WORDS IN VERY LARGE, BLACK LETTERS.
Notes:
(1). Regular listeners to the Bishop's Broadcasting Service will know all about the development of the Steve-Austin Somua (clearly Mk.1)
(2). According to the rules, a lorried Anti-Aircraft gun.
(3). See the appearance of "Lord Reith's Scientific Adviser" - a guardian against Arrowsmith's beastly "Dar-leks" - at the Battle of the Fords of Bredwardine. Little used in the battle, there was more than enough time for an exchange of information with Doc.Van der Graaf.
