Feature - Of Matters Behemothic (2)

"May I ask" said the Bishop, at the forefront of a gaggle of Staff Captains and French experts, "just how this great beast was constructed ?"

"Weeel...." Engineer Scott pondered, then started jabbing his forefinger. "The Frenchies here, the experts from SOMUA, it was their design, fair enough. But it wasn't big enough, y'ken ? So we made it bigger, big enough for the heavy cannon, two machine guns, and the crew to keep them all firing continuously...."

"It certainly is a monster" said the Bishop. "Arrowsmith will be quaking in his highly polished jackboots."

"And then we added a supercharged Austin engine...."

"Enough power, I suppose, to dash faster than Jesse Owens ?"

"Och, no wonder. Then Steve, our welder, added all the super heavy armour, and Bob's your uncle, Bishop."

"The Austin - Steve Somua, then? Or the Steve - Austin Somua?" the Bishop spun a coin . "I believe Messrs. Royce and Rolls rather fell out in similar circumstances...."

"Tails it is, mon." Chief Engineer Scott clapped. "An' there's nae chance Storm Leader Giles will call this one a 'tankette'..."

The Steve Austin Somua ($1M) at the Bishop's Industrial Park and Experimental Proving Grounds, Ludlow.

Feature - "Crusader" Class Personnel Carriers

The Loyal Ludlow Infantry have fought with distinction in all the most recent engagements of the Civil War in Herefordshire. Traditionally conveyed to battle in repainted "Evian" trucks (a commercial sponsorship arising from the Rev. Duff - Postin's internationally renowned abstinence from alcohol) their courage and tenacity has now been recognised by another international combine - the Packard Motor Car Company of Detroit, Michigan. A number of Packard Town Vans (guarded on their voyage from America by the Chicago Police "Citizens Relations" Demonstration Squad) have now completed their conversion, within the closely guarded confines of the Bishop's Industrial Park and Experimental Proving Grounds, to "Crusader" class Personnel Carriers, as today displayed in the grounds of Ludlow Castle.

The Bishop and Chancellor of Ludlow inspect the very first "Crusader" Personnel Carriers. 

Especially adapted, with their front firing Light Machine Gun (or Anti Tank Rifle), for the new "shoot and scoot" tactics being worked up on the Bishop's Training Grounds, the technical specification of these advanced Personnel Carriers remains shrouded in secrecy. For example, are they armoured or unarmoured? Or fuel injected and turbo-charged? Can they really be - as rumoured - "faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive"?

All enquiries have been directed to Staff Captain Maskelyne, who will only confirm that each "Crusader" is designed to hold a full section of Loyal Ludlow infantry, complete with Light Machine Gun (or Anti Tank Rifle).

A Pathe News newsreel crew capture the historic moment in the grounds of Ludlow Castle

Special - Command Decision

With the campaigning season about to start, the Bishop of Ludlow has announced a reconstitution of his Battle Headquarters, reports the Ludlow Leader. The accession - some months ago, now - of the Bishop's Military Secretary, the Rev Duff-Postin, to the position of Chancellor of All-Ludlow (by the universal acclamation of both the Town and Ecclesiastical Councils) left a vacancy for the position of Bearer of the Great Standard. The despatch - around the same time - of the Rev. Stoker, Chief Exorcist to the Bishop and Battle NCO to Commandant Lasalle, on a goodwill tour to the French Central African Protectorate Independent Republic of Jojoba (President for Life, Chief Whoaroo) left another HQ position unfilled. It is thought that, after his stop off in Africa, the Rev. Stoker will head on to Ruritania and Transylvania (in search of Arrowsmith's rumoured new recruiting grounds) while the new Chancellor has already been despatched on a secret diplomatic mission of his own, apparently "much closer to home"...

The Bishop and his new Battle HQ in the grounds of Ludlow Castle

The announced changes reflect the growing importance within Ludlow of a new religious organisation, THe Order (of the Bishop) of Hereford Martyred And Sanctified, or the "Order of THOMAS" for short. Doubting - well, it could hardly be otherwise - the official reports to the effect that the kidnapped Bishop of Hereford is still alive and well, the Order maintains a different truth - that "their Bishop" has been assassinated by his captors, and - directed as they are by the former Dean and Chapter of Hereford Cathedral, who fled to the sanctuary of Ludlow upon the fall of Hereford and capture of the Bishop - have vowed revenge. The interests of such a powerful - not to say, fanatical - political force in Ludlow needed to be assuaged.

The Bishop, accompanied by Commandant Lasalle, explains the command changes to an eager press

"It is a great pleasure" the Bishop told a hastily assembled press conference, "to announce the appointment of Brother Oswin as the Bearer of the Great Standard of Ludlow. And Brother Cadfael - with his well known 'Cup of Healing Herbs" - as Medic to the Expeditionary Force. I know that Abbot Ambrose, leader of the Order of THOMAS, is equally pleased by the recognition thereby conferred upon his noble Order. We must pray for all of our Headquarters Staff in the battles to come...."

Prequel - Battle of Foy (March 2014 Big Game)

An unnamed cleric on the staff of the Bishop of Ludlow records:

"The Battle of Eardisley was not the first military engagement in which the Bishop and his gallant Ludlow Expeditionary Force took part. Some months before, moved to action by the capture and imprisonment of his friend and colleague, the Bishop of Hereford, our own Bishop lead the LEF into Herefordshire to take part in the historic - but disconcerting - Battle of Foy.

Historic, of course, in that defeat for the BUF was the end of Lord Foy as a fascist leader in the County. Forced to leave behind both his heavy equipment and his moustache on the field of battle, Foy was last seen escaping downriver by punt, never to re-appear.

Anglican Photofit of Baron Foy as he may now
appear - moustache regrown and in disguise as
a Leominster hop-picker and agricultural labourer.

Disconcerting, however, in that the Bishop quickly learned the realities of civil war in Herefordshire - black clad infantry charges ("Moseley and the King!), exploding pillar boxes and innocently parked but equally lethal merchants' vans, Socialist snipers (even whole platoons!) hiding in the upper stories of otherwise welcoming country hosteleries, bewildering order and counter-order, sudden truces with formerly sworn enemies, and the slipperiness in Spring (at least for cavalry) of modern railway embankments.

Notwithstanding the notable victory for for the forces of freedom and right in the County, our Bishop had cause for sorrow : the opportunity to release the Bishop of Hereford from his unlawful captivity was lost (well, it was on another table...). The Ecclesiastical Intelligence Service inform the Bishop that his colleague may have ceased to be in Royalist hands, only to fall into the clutches of one of the many Landowner's Protection Leagues.....

The 1:1 scale Bishop, appropriately clad in ecclesiastical purple, studies the dispositions of the Anglican C-in-C, Mort.

The 1/55 Bishop's LEF in "all round defence" against unseen BUF (to the front) and  Socialists (in the pub).
He had to grip his Crozier tightly at this stage of the battle - in the same way as the Bishop's ADC, the Rev. Duff-Postin, safeguards the Ludlow Standard. .

The Battleground at Foy - Fascists to the left, Anglicans to the right, Socialists in hiding everywhere

Fascist infantry crossing Foy Railway Embankment - the enemy of the Ludlow Light Lancers.
That's the Embankment, I mean, not the Fascists.

The Bishop also learned a bitter lesson about the amateur nature of his own volunteer force - the pride of the LEF, the Ludlow Light Lancers, managed to do nothing in the course of the day other than prance around looking smart, and then charged into the Railway Embankment in a hopeless muddle (encounter at charge rate, but too slippery to ascend, you do the math...). As a result, their Colonel was cashiered, to be replaced by a "reliable chap" by the name of Trimingham (as to the results of which, see below).

The Battle of Eardisley (September 2014 Big Game)

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