Feature - Of Matters Behemothic (2)

"May I ask" said the Bishop, at the forefront of a gaggle of Staff Captains and French experts, "just how this great beast was constructed ?"

"Weeel...." Engineer Scott pondered, then started jabbing his forefinger. "The Frenchies here, the experts from SOMUA, it was their design, fair enough. But it wasn't big enough, y'ken ? So we made it bigger, big enough for the heavy cannon, two machine guns, and the crew to keep them all firing continuously...."

"It certainly is a monster" said the Bishop. "Arrowsmith will be quaking in his highly polished jackboots."

"And then we added a supercharged Austin engine...."

"Enough power, I suppose, to dash faster than Jesse Owens ?"

"Och, no wonder. Then Steve, our welder, added all the super heavy armour, and Bob's your uncle, Bishop."

"The Austin - Steve Somua, then? Or the Steve - Austin Somua?" the Bishop spun a coin . "I believe Messrs. Royce and Rolls rather fell out in similar circumstances...."

"Tails it is, mon." Chief Engineer Scott clapped. "An' there's nae chance Storm Leader Giles will call this one a 'tankette'..."

The Steve Austin Somua ($1M) at the Bishop's Industrial Park and Experimental Proving Grounds, Ludlow.

Special - Command Decision

With the campaigning season about to start, the Bishop of Ludlow has announced a reconstitution of his Battle Headquarters, reports the Ludlow Leader. The accession - some months ago, now - of the Bishop's Military Secretary, the Rev Duff-Postin, to the position of Chancellor of All-Ludlow (by the universal acclamation of both the Town and Ecclesiastical Councils) left a vacancy for the position of Bearer of the Great Standard. The despatch - around the same time - of the Rev. Stoker, Chief Exorcist to the Bishop and Battle NCO to Commandant Lasalle, on a goodwill tour to the French Central African Protectorate Independent Republic of Jojoba (President for Life, Chief Whoaroo) left another HQ position unfilled. It is thought that, after his stop off in Africa, the Rev. Stoker will head on to Ruritania and Transylvania (in search of Arrowsmith's rumoured new recruiting grounds) while the new Chancellor has already been despatched on a secret diplomatic mission of his own, apparently "much closer to home"...

The Bishop and his new Battle HQ in the grounds of Ludlow Castle

The announced changes reflect the growing importance within Ludlow of a new religious organisation, THe Order (of the Bishop) of Hereford Martyred And Sanctified, or the "Order of THOMAS" for short. Doubting - well, it could hardly be otherwise - the official reports to the effect that the kidnapped Bishop of Hereford is still alive and well, the Order maintains a different truth - that "their Bishop" has been assassinated by his captors, and - directed as they are by the former Dean and Chapter of Hereford Cathedral, who fled to the sanctuary of Ludlow upon the fall of Hereford and capture of the Bishop - have vowed revenge. The interests of such a powerful - not to say, fanatical - political force in Ludlow needed to be assuaged.

The Bishop, accompanied by Commandant Lasalle, explains the command changes to an eager press

"It is a great pleasure" the Bishop told a hastily assembled press conference, "to announce the appointment of Brother Oswin as the Bearer of the Great Standard of Ludlow. And Brother Cadfael - with his well known 'Cup of Healing Herbs" - as Medic to the Expeditionary Force. I know that Abbot Ambrose, leader of the Order of THOMAS, is equally pleased by the recognition thereby conferred upon his noble Order. We must pray for all of our Headquarters Staff in the battles to come...."

Feature - Of Matters Behemothic (1)

The Reverend Duff-Postin, Military Secretary to the Bishop, cooly surveyed the collection of experts ranged around the table. The Armaments Sub-Committee was assembling for another long session. Immediately to his right, his dour but ever efficient Assistant Military Secretary, the Reverend Alan Brooke. Beyond him Mr Dibnah, of the Dibnah School of Advanced Steam and Steel Studies, being distracted by the constant card shuffling of his own neighbour, Staff Captain Maskaleyne, principal of the Maskaleyne College of Camouflage and Martial Illusion. Immediately to his left, Professor Lindemann, of the world famous Lindemann Institute, ignoring such trivialities to speed-read yet more advanced scientific papers, passing them backwards and alternately to his own assistants, Mr Wallis and Doc Van der Graaf of the Bluecoat School Physics Department. Chief Engineer Scott of the Ludlow Sappers & Miners (on secondment from the Ludlow Scottish) growled and stared impatiently out of a taped up window. Here, in a cramped Nissen hut at the centre of the Ludlow Industrial Park and Experimental Proving Grounds, the Bishop's armaments experts mingled with new technical staff sent from France as part of their generous "Lend Lease to Ludlow" programme.

That fact was, as Duff-Postin was the first to acknowledge, that the catastrophic loss of Lt. "Cadgze" Pidgeon and his Renault R-35 tank in the closing stages of the Battle of Bredwardine Fords had hit them all hard. The R-35 had stood up to everything Arrowsmith's multi - turreted Behemoth could throw at it, only to be felled by a late and unsporting flank shot from Storm Leader Giles' underpowered Vickers Medium Mk.2.(note 1). Muttering darkly at the unfairness of it all, the horde of technical experts from Renault had hastily returned to Paris, being replaced with even more numerous group of experts from the up-coming French subsidiary of Schneider et Cie., the Societe d'Outilage Mecanique et d'Usinage d'Artillerie ("SOMUA").

The remains of the Anglican R-35 after the Battle of Bredwardine Fords.
If Renault's experts could not do better than this, they knew that
their future lay only in manufacturing "family cars".

Duff-Postin called the meeting to order. It was time to look to the future, to tank improvement and reconstruction. He cleared his throat.

"Gentlemen, we can rebuild it."

Nods of agreement from the experts of SOMUA.

"Better."

"Mellieur! Le mieux !"

"Stronger."

"Le plus fort."

"And this time, perhaps, camouflaged?" Staff Captain Maskaleyne arched an eyebrow, having complained of the drab green monotone of the destroyed R-35. In the rush to see the tank into service, his wishes had been overruled. He cut his constantly shuffling pack to reveal yet another Ace of Hearts.(note 2)

"Faster."

"Mais oui!"

"Heavier."

"Le plus lourd...."

"...An' wi' a bluidy big cannon and nae one, but two, heavy machine guns,  mind..." interjected Chief Engineer Scott.

"Thank you, Scotty." Postin smiled as the French interpreter struggled to translate.

"Gentlemen, it may be said again in the future, but the time is now. We have the technology. We have the capability. And, by the Grace of God,  we will rebuild our Anglican armour."

The assembled experts bent forward over the Bishop's technical specifications, and fell into lengthy discussion...

Notes

(1). See the Big Game Report of the Battle of Bredwardine Fords, below.

(2). Staff Captain Maskaleyne, as the country's foremost stage illusionist, is renowned for his ability to shuffle and cut cards. Yet lately, all that he has been able to produce at "the reveal" is the Ace of Hearts. What can this mean?