The Bishop tapped the crisp manila folder atop his desk. Leaning forward, he stared evenly at his Chief of Intelligence, Colonel Lethbridge-Stewart.
"It would have been well, Rupert, had we had THIS rather earlier. Yesterday, it would have been vital intelligence. Now, well....." the Bishop's querulous tones trailed off into deep contemplation.
"It's no more than a historical artefact." Lethbridge-Stewart nodded. "I know, Bishop, I know. The fact is that many of our best agents risked their lives to deliver the Wigmore All Round Defence Plan into our hands. It's not their fault that the transmission times were so slow."
"Of course, of course". The Bishop sighed. "It's just that sometimes...."
"You'd like your information current ? Up to date ? Hot off the press, as it were ?"
"Indeed."
The Colonel made a show of opening his bulging, leather bound briefcase. A flourish produced another manilla folder, clearly marked : "W/T intercept. BIG X - EYES ONLY".
"There are some things that you can't know, Your Grace. For your own protection, as it were. And some things that you may wish you didn't know." The Colonel paused for effect. "Take this, for example. Our latest intercept from Comrade Professor Winter's Field HQ. Freshly decoded."
++ WINTERS TO CPGB HQ. STOP. + MOST URGENT AND IMMEDIATE. STOP. + ADVANCING AT WIGMORE. STOP. CRICKET PAVILION IN FLAMES. STOP + PATCHPOLE KC CONCLUDED DEFENSIVE ALLIANCE WITH GOVERNMENT FORCES. STOP + ENEMY OF THE PEOPLE. STOP + RUNNING DOG OF FASCISM. STOP + MORE ENDLESS CATCHPHRASES. STOP. YOU KNOW THE KIND OF THING. STOP + AUTHORISE OPERATION HUBRIS. STOP. MOST IMMEDIATE STOP. REPEAT MOST IMMEDIATE STOP. OPERATION HUBRIS AUTHORISED. STOP.+ LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION. STOP. WINTERS. STOP+ ENDIT ++
"Operation Hubris ?" The Bishop raised an eyebrow.
"The publication..." Colonel Lethbridge-Stewart cleared his throat. "The publication of Colonel Mustard's memoirs. The presses will already be running hot in Liverpool."
"No! Surely to goodness, Rupert, no! Even a godless Communist like Winters has more sense than that!"
"Merely a different frame of reference, Bishop. He'll be calculating that de Braose and the aristocracy in the County will be be unable to stand the resulting scandal. A Government in crisis. A revolutionary situation created. A power vacuum. The triumphant march of the great proletariat to the higher reaches of authority, that kind of thing. Or perhaps it was simply a reflex of revenge, a spasm of anger at the news of the Mortimer/Government alliance. Who can tell with a madman like Winters ?"
"And the Government ? Will they know of this ? Sir Barrington ?"
"They'll know soon enough, Bishop." Colonel Lethbridge-Stewart delved deep into his briefcase and produced another folder, marked "Agent Orange - Diary Extract - BIG X - EYES ONLY". "For the moment, however, Sir Barrington appears to be rather pleased with himself."
"Good grief ! His diary entry ! From yesterday, of all things !" The Bishop read eagerly:
The Mortimer Defence Plan has seen off all aggressors!
My old friend 'Himalaya' Joe reports that, with the help of a police flying column, he was able to hold off a Royalist/BUF assault before forcing them to the negotiating table.
It was agreed that, in return for the Royalists/BUF guaranteeing the neutrality and independence of Mortimer Country and for assisting us in defending against Red aggression, we would supply them with any surplus foodstuffs.
Despite the untimely demise of Straitt-Jacket, this agreement has held firm, with the Royalists duly taking the fight to the Commies. Ties were slightly strained when a section of Royalist sailors descended on the Mortimer Brewery with the intent of drinking it dry, but they were gently 'called time' by the Hereford Hunt Hussars, backed up by an armoured car (kept back in case of treachery and in no way bogged down in front of the Brewery).
Thus reinforced, I was able to look on from my vantage point at Wigmore Hall as the new alliance comfortably knocked the Reds for six. These godless rebels had already proved themselves incapable of defeating my forces in the area, despite outnumbering them three-to-one. Indeed their only accomplishment was the burning of the cricket pavilion; a building that can easily be repaired. The commander of 'Pavilion Force' will be suitably promoted for his gallant defence and courageous counterattack.
I gather from my friends defending my transmitter station that Radio Free Mortimer remains on the air after blunting a thrust from the Anglican League. In doing so they also kept them out of the grounds of Wigmore Hall and will also be duly rewarded.
The Hall never was never really threatened and so my staff were rarely troubled (much to the disappointment of the mortar crew) as the police and BUF took the brunt of the fighting on the approach road. The Chief Inspector will receive a glowing report from me and I daresay commendations will be in order.
We were able to rescue all of the livestock from the Brewery locale, but alas I'm led to believe that returns were low from the Transmitter. I have yet to learn the livestock returns from the Pavilion end.
So have I got into bed with the Royalists and BUF? Perhaps so. I would never side with the Reds. As for the Anglicans, whilst perhaps in pursuit of a noble cause, they have yet to approach me with a suitable offer. However, the door is not yet closed and my niece is still in search of a spouse..."
It was agreed that, in return for the Royalists/BUF guaranteeing the neutrality and independence of Mortimer Country and for assisting us in defending against Red aggression, we would supply them with any surplus foodstuffs.
Despite the untimely demise of Straitt-Jacket, this agreement has held firm, with the Royalists duly taking the fight to the Commies. Ties were slightly strained when a section of Royalist sailors descended on the Mortimer Brewery with the intent of drinking it dry, but they were gently 'called time' by the Hereford Hunt Hussars, backed up by an armoured car (kept back in case of treachery and in no way bogged down in front of the Brewery).
Thus reinforced, I was able to look on from my vantage point at Wigmore Hall as the new alliance comfortably knocked the Reds for six. These godless rebels had already proved themselves incapable of defeating my forces in the area, despite outnumbering them three-to-one. Indeed their only accomplishment was the burning of the cricket pavilion; a building that can easily be repaired. The commander of 'Pavilion Force' will be suitably promoted for his gallant defence and courageous counterattack.
I gather from my friends defending my transmitter station that Radio Free Mortimer remains on the air after blunting a thrust from the Anglican League. In doing so they also kept them out of the grounds of Wigmore Hall and will also be duly rewarded.
The Hall never was never really threatened and so my staff were rarely troubled (much to the disappointment of the mortar crew) as the police and BUF took the brunt of the fighting on the approach road. The Chief Inspector will receive a glowing report from me and I daresay commendations will be in order.
We were able to rescue all of the livestock from the Brewery locale, but alas I'm led to believe that returns were low from the Transmitter. I have yet to learn the livestock returns from the Pavilion end.
So have I got into bed with the Royalists and BUF? Perhaps so. I would never side with the Reds. As for the Anglicans, whilst perhaps in pursuit of a noble cause, they have yet to approach me with a suitable offer. However, the door is not yet closed and my niece is still in search of a spouse..."
"A suitable offer ? A suitable offer ?" The Bishop sputtered. "The hand in marriage of my former ward ? The waiving of any dowry for Miss Nemone upon the conclusion of such a match ? The hand of Ludlow in eternal friendship ? No suitable offer ?"
"Yes." Colonel Lethbridge-Stewart returned the Bishop's goggle-eyed stare. "I'm afraid that the Shropshire Swain is overdue a stern talking-to, Bishop. Unlucky in love, unlucky on the battlefield, trailed coats and garden paths, that kind of thing."
"Well, I take everything back, Colonel. My profound apologies. This kind of intelligence could not be more current. Agent Orange?"
"One of Patchpole KC's staff, sir. I'd rather not say who."
"Of course. I quite understand." The Bishop tapped his nose. "Need to know and all that."
"Quite." The Colonel produced yet another manilla folder, on this occasion marked "Government Propaganda Broadcasts - MOST RECENT - PS - PERSONAL FOR BIG X - Do we really have to transcribe this guff ?", and started reading:
The Colonel closed the folder with a snap. "Not a word about Mustard's memoirs. No attempt as yet to prepare the people for what's bound to come. It looks like the Government and Patchpole have completedly under-estimated the long term effects of their alliance, Your Grace."
"Yes." Colonel Lethbridge-Stewart returned the Bishop's goggle-eyed stare. "I'm afraid that the Shropshire Swain is overdue a stern talking-to, Bishop. Unlucky in love, unlucky on the battlefield, trailed coats and garden paths, that kind of thing."
"Well, I take everything back, Colonel. My profound apologies. This kind of intelligence could not be more current. Agent Orange?"
"One of Patchpole KC's staff, sir. I'd rather not say who."
 |
| Sir Barrington's Personal Household Staff. Who could be "Agent Orange" ? |
"Of course. I quite understand." The Bishop tapped his nose. "Need to know and all that."
"Quite." The Colonel produced yet another manilla folder, on this occasion marked "Government Propaganda Broadcasts - MOST RECENT - PS - PERSONAL FOR BIG X - Do we really have to transcribe this guff ?", and started reading:
‘Government
Troops yesterday assisted in repelling concerted attacks on Wigmore Hall in
North Herefordshire by Communist and Anglican forces. Despite still suffering
from wounds received at KINGTON, Storm Commander Giles led a relief column to
the aid of the beleaguered Mortimer LDV garrison at WIGMORE HALL, and together
they succeeded in halting the enemy advance.
Previously
wary relations between the Government and Sir Barrington Patchpole KC were greatly
improved when Major Straitt-Jackett’s Gas Street Irregulars managed to rescue ‘STANLEY’
and ‘NEVILLE’, the two eldest male offspring of the famous ‘FAT TED’, Sir
Barrington’s favourite porker. The safe return of said offspring formed the
basis of an agreement between Sir Barrington and H.M. Government, by which it
was agreed that Mortimer Country should remain clear of all factions, whilst
recognising His Majesty Edward VIII and supplying food resources as requested
to Government forces. In return H.M.Government undertook to provide military
assistance if requested by Sir Barrington, in the event of MORTIMER COUNTRY being threatened by any other faction.
A Government
spokesman refused to confirm reports that MAJOR STRAITT-JACKETT was killed by a
stray artillery round shortly after negotiating the agreement.‘
The Colonel closed the folder with a snap. "Not a word about Mustard's memoirs. No attempt as yet to prepare the people for what's bound to come. It looks like the Government and Patchpole have completedly under-estimated the long term effects of their alliance, Your Grace."
"I shall pray, Rupert." The Bishop waived his Chief of Intelligence towards the door. "I shall pray. It is all that can be done. Those Memoirs! The reputation of those ladies.....ruined! And not for politics, not even for politics! All for Fat Ted, Sir Barrington's pet pig!"
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