Breaking News - That De Braose Statement in Full !

Lord De Braose, appointed "Lord Warden of the Marches" by Edward VIII at the outbreak of the VBCW, and nominally leader of the Royalist Forces in Herefordshire, had not been seen in public since the start of "L'Affaire Mustard" (cf. "Le Figaro"), otherwise known as "Mustardgate" (cf. "The Washington Post"). To the general astonishment of all, and much hilarity (at least initially) across Herefordshire, he recently broke his silence. The "Ludlow Leader", as ever, was first with the story:

DE BRAOSE DISAVOWS WIFE!

"IT NEVER HAPPENED" CLAIMS TEARFUL ROYALIST

DISAPPEARANCE OF REGISTRAR

FLIGHT OF CAKE-MAKER TO LUDLOW

FEARS FOR SONS OF THE MARRIAGE

In a tear stained - and whisky sodden - written statement delivered to the international Press from the steps of the Shire Hall last night, the Lord Warden of the Marches sensationally broke his silence upon the story that has gripped the County in recent days. As yet further scandalous photographs of an under-dressed Lady Cynthia Da Braose canoodling with the late Colonel "Sir Pat" Mustard circulated amongst the populace, Lord Da Braose delivered these supposedly magisterial words:

"What utter rot! It just goes to show how desperate these fellows are, to cast aspersion on a man's wife - especially when that man is not actually married! Silly b*s..."

With a stumble and erratic sweep of the arm (which may or may not have been an attempt at a Fascist salute), Lord de Braose thus delivered his first fusillade in a desperate attempt (aka "media strategy") not to divorce Lady Cynthia in the wake of the scandal, but to re-write and deny his entire marital history. Following her own flight to Paris, Lady Cynthia is rumoured to be authoring her rebuttal of Lord Braose's bizarre statement (provisionally entitled "The Wife who Never Was!").

Lord de Braose's statement was preceded by a new wave of arrests and "disappearances" within the occupied City of Hereford. Mr Wilkins, the local Registrar of Births, Marriages and Deaths, was removed from his office in the course of the same afternoon by armed men - who conspicuously refused to identify themselves - together with all his relevant records. Neither have been seen since. BUF Stormtroopers threw a cordon around the Public Library in Broad Street ("official - closed until further notice") as others marched on the offices of the "Hereford Times" to seize both its presses and archive ("by order - all the news that isn't going to be printed"). Only one resident escaped the general sweep - Mrs Miggins, society confectioner of 17, Church Street and provider of the de Braose wedding cake. In a hair raising tale of derring do and a triumph for the Ecclesiastical Intelligence Service, Mrs Miggins was successfully spirited away from Herefordshire and into exile within the calm and peaceful episcopal enclave of Ludlow.

Oppression in "Royalist" Hereford. BUF Stormtroopers with billy clubs undertake De Braose's bidding.
But the truth is already out!

Such arrests and "disappearances" have been, sadly, an all too common feature of Hereford life since the start of the VBCW. Few, however, considered that de Braose would apply the same foul tactics to his own sons. Suddenly de-legitimised by the de Braose statement and a constant reminder of their own father's bizarre campaign of public untruths, neither little Horatio de Braose, nor his sweet natured brother Rodney, have been seen since the afternoon of the wave of arrests. 

Castle Green, with the River Wye in the background. It was here that Horatio and Rodney de Braose were last seen, in the charge of de Braose's batman and general factotum, Sgt. Ellis.

Hereford itself is awash with rumours as to the boy's fate. Some say they have been consigned to an as yet unidentified "Tower". Others claim to have seen both boys, pale faced and tousle haired, in the back of a BUF truck heading for Herefordshire Racecourse. Yet more fear the very worst, as the huge chalk letters on the side of the Shire Hall the following morning attested :

"DROWNDED !" "DROWNED BY DE BRAOSE!"

Colonel Mustard and "The Scarlet Lady" - the Developing Scandal !

The late Colonel "Sir Pat" Mustard (of the Dragoon Guards, cashiered) and the "Scarlet Lady".

Scandal in Herefordshire!

Regular listeners to the Bishop's Broadcasting Service will doubtless recall the discovery of a salacious manuscript - the late Colonel Mustard's memoirs - by "Red Robbo" and his Wirral Socialist Canal Workers Battalion at the Battle of Whitney-on-Wye (note 1). Certainly, the recent flood of doleful bargees from Herefordshire to the calm safety of Ludlow, their lives ruined and homes expropriated by the heartless Captain Arrowsmith's conversion of their private property into his "Goliath" class canal boats, has served as a reminder to local residents of recent events in our Civil War (note 2). While our gallant RNVR (Teme Division) put aside their rocket practice to ponder the proper response to Arrowsmith's naval innovations, our equally gallant Chancellor, the Rev. Duff-Postin, was sent on an urgent diplomatic mission to Socialist HQ. Those "in the know" within Ludlow (eg. Arthur Snout, barman of "The Feathers", plus sundry cronies) suggest that the Chancellor's despatch was prompted by a flurry of pleading telegrams from a certain Miss Nemone Mortimer-Wagstaffe, concerned about the reputation of her late mother....

But has the "Talleyrand of the Three Counties" met his match? Does the release into general circulation within Herefordshire of a series of scandalous monochrome photographs signal "Red Robbo's" ideological desire to "bring down the upper classes" irrespective of strategic cost, and despite Duff-Postin's earnest diplomacy?

At least one reputation has already been ruined. While residents of occupied Herefordshire will only speak publicly of "the Scarlet Lady" (for fear of being despatched to the notorious Shobdon Instructional Centre) it is widely known that the monochrome series features none other than a young Lady de Braose, wife of the "Royalist" Governor of the Marches (note 3). 

Mustard, the arch - seducer in action. Shocking displays of wantoness on the part of a young Lady de Braose. While the manuscript remains unpublished, it is probable that Mustard details every aspect of his various leaves in Paris.

Comparison between the lingerie clad hussy of the monochromes and recent society portraits of Lady de Braose published in "The Tatler" and "Country Life" put the matter - if there ever was an issue - beyond all doubt. Lord de Braose, at best a shadowy figure reliant upon minions such as Arrowsmith, Spode, Straitt-Jackett and Lord Grover as his battlefield commanders, has refused to make any public comment upon his wife's disgrace. While de Braose has shut himself away in the Shire Hall, it is rumoured that Lady de Braose herself has fled to Paris, and to the fleshpots she apparently knew so well in her youth...

What can these recent development mean for the future of our Civil War? Are the rumours of a second manuscript by Colonel "Sir Pat" Mustard (entitled "Shanghai Nights", and alleged to feature none other than Wallis Simpson, the entire cause of the present conflict) possibly be credited? Can Lord de Braose survive as the self-styled "Lord of the Marches", or will he rapidly be replaced? Has the "tone of the debate" - albeit an armed one - been lowered by this scandal, coming fast on the heels of the publication of Spode's own authorised biography ?

Shell shocked by his debagging at the Battle of Brimfield, Spode approved an eye-opening
biography drafted by a Fleet Street hack trading under the strange pseudonym, "Revy11".
But for her disappearance to Paris, it is likely that Lady de Braose
would wish to reclaim her silk lingerie... 

To all these questions, and many more, the wiseacres at the bar of "The Feathers" will only point to Arthur, and in turn he will wink, tap his nose, and tell you of his entire trust and confidence in "his Bishop", in the Rev. Duff-Postin, and in the shadowy figure known in Ludlow only as "Big X", the Chief of the Ecclesiastical Intelligence Service, Colonel Lethbridge-Stewart.

A rare pre war photograph of Colonel Lethbridge-Stewart from the files of "The Ludlow Leader".
His likeness has not since been reproduced for reasons of security. Can the Ecclesiastical
Intelligence Service provide the Rev. Duff-Postin with the diplomatic tools to "persuade" Red Robbo
 that publication of the late Col Mustard's memoirs will not serve the Socialist cause?

Notes:

(1). Red Robbo's own account of the Battle of Whitney on Wye and his encounter with the "Goliath" class canal boats of the BUF, can be studied here

(2). These dispossessed bargees have made common cause with the Ludlow Branch of the Amalgamated Society of Boilermakers (formerly the Boilermaker's Union). The results of their fraternal co-operation can only be guessed at...

(3). An early biography of Lord de Braose can be read here

Big Game April 2016 - Colonel Mustard's Memoirs

JC has unveiled the scenario for the Spring 2016 Big Game in the Hereford VBCW - see his blog here. The late Colonel Mustard's memoirs must be found....

By good fortune (Praise the Lord!), the latest recruits to the Ludlow Expeditionary Force are highly experienced in just this kind of police work (and crowd control) - the Chicago Police (Citizens Relations) Demonstration Squad !

Elements of the Chicago Police (Citizens Relations) Demonstration Squad.
Commissioner Gordon and Lieutenant Kojak are absent,
conferring with the Bishop's Staff Captains.

Regular listeners to the Bishops Broadcasting Service will recall that the Squad provided security for the recent shipment of Packard Town Vans from Detroit to Ludlow (see older posts). As the guests of the Bishop, the Squad have also taken pleasure in demonstrating to Ludlow's loyal citizenry their advanced weaponry - Colt .45 pistols, Remington pump action shotguns, and - to gasps of astonishment - the Gun that Bandits Fear Most !

Captain Arrowsmith ("dat doity rat" according to Lieutenant Kojak)  is overdue
 a meeting with Mr Thompson 's Anti Bandit Gun.